I started blogging at the end of 2006. And, like many of you, I quickly discovered a world waiting for me inside my computer, a world of intelligent, well-read, funny, beautiful people. I was hooked. These people, I tritely informed my friends and family, were my kindred spirits. My friends and family were bewildered.
Soon I made the move to meet some of these online friends in person — to transition, if you will, from online to offline relationships. I attended my first blogging conference. I then flew to Canada to spend the weekend with some bloggers who’d become very dear to me very fast.
By this point my family and friends were seriously concerned about my mental health. What if these Canadians you’re going to see are just waiting to chop you up into tiny little pieces and scatter you across the Canadian wilderness?, I read between the deepening frown lines on their faces. I laughed. They were hurt.
And so on, through another blogging conference.
I’ve just returned from my third BlogHer conference. Fresh from the field, I want to try to explain once more what my blogging friends mean to me:
When bloggers connect, they are connecting based on words. The usual stages of friendship are inverted. They read about one another’s deepest, messiest, most private, most frightening feelings. And when they stay to read some more, they are signifying that they care about you despite the ugliness, the scars, the fears, or even, amazingly, because of these things.
It is revelatory to be known from the inside out.
Meeting in person, then, is mostly afterthought. Social niceties come later, and they are often tongue-in-cheek, being largely irrelevant to the fundamentals of the relationship.
That’s why I keep traveling to meet other bloggers in person. And if I’ve explained this adequately, you would nod your head were I to ask you whether you would not in fact wish to be known like this, not skin deep but soul deep.
I won’t ask you that, though. I don’t need to. To the question there is only one answer.
++++++++++++++
Thank you, online friends, for knowing me and loving me despite, because.
“What if these Canadians you’re going to see are just waiting to chop you up into tiny little pieces and scatter you across the Canadian wilderness?”
This made me snort-laugh on a day when nothing is funny. I’m still so glad you made the trip. (But don’t tell anyone that we actually don’t often chop up tourists. We’re trying so hard to be tough.)
I started in 2005 and while I’ve never gone to a conference, I have traveled far and near to meet and spend time with those I met through my blog. Di Mackey and Neil Kramer are like family, and there are many others (both fellow writers and just readers) who I feel connected to. Many (most?) of my real life friends/relations have limited or no interest in my blog and that’s a shame because in so many respects I feel it is the truest expression of who I am.
and always.
The first time I went downtown to meet Turtlehead for World Trivia Night my husband was convinced I was going to be found dead in an alley. The thing is, knowing someone online isn’t fake knowing them – every single person I love online has been equally awesome in real life. No one’s lying on here – in fact, we’re probably the most honest we ever are. It was the best thing about BlogHer, I think.
I didn’t make it this year, and missed it ONLY because of those amazing friendships and community that are fed by seeing them IRL once in a while. I hope you make it to next year’s, so that maybe I’ll finally have a chance to meet you.
One day… I hope.
Yes, yes, and yes. I have found so much meaningful connection here, and my offline friends and family don’t understand it. I’m willing to field their concerns and biases, though, because I can’t go back now. My life is richer because you are in it.
Oh Sarah, no one, NO ONE, can say it like you.
Truly. You inspire me every single day.
Feel free to come to Boston :)
yes, there was a bit of “are you sure about this?” from some people when i met Aliki and Bon. but (of course!) they were amazing. someday, my dear, we’ll meet, too. if you ever get to buffalo and have free time let me know. xoxoxo
Sarah, I am so glad we got to meet at BlogHer this year. Your words here are exactly how I have felt about my blogging community friends, and so beautifully said.
Yes, we have all gotten to know each other from the inside out, a process that usually takes years (if ever) with “real world” people who become friends through mere circumstance – the way most adults make new friends: because we work together or our kids go to the same school or we live in the same apartment building. My online friends are my friends because our compasses point in the same direction and our passions align and I know their souls; their deepest forests and shining peaks.
I have a tag on my blog that reads “Blog friends are real friends” and I’ll stand by that!
Someday, maybe, we will meet too. But we don’t really need to, because we have and will have this meeting of minds and hearts.
You know, I’m only on the other coast. Surely you must travel this way now and again.